All By Myself

Remember the scene in The Diary of Bridget Jones where she's drinking vodka and singing All by myself, don't wanna be....all by myself. Oh how I wish they had a song like that for the unemployed.

Yes, it's true, I still don't have a job and because I've already cried and watched a chick flick and ate coffee ice cream, it's time to blog again. Although I just got really tired at the thought of describing my working woes--I literally just closed my eyes and had a hard time opening them again. This seemed like such a good idea 5 minutes ago when I was using the porcelain think tank.

Anyway, at least I have been interviewing this time. In fact I have had many really great interviews where I seriously feel like I've made lifelong friends. I make them laugh, they make me laugh, I schmooze with the kids...it's great. And then I never hear back. Besides feeling demoralized, I'm starting to feel a little dirty. How many times can you tell someone they have the most adorable kid without feeling like your soul is getting moldy?

I was hoping to hear back today about a position. I kept my phone near me. Charged it, just in case I needed to go anywhere and my future employer wanted to not just hire me but have a nice long chat about how great she thinks this is going to be. I mean heaven forbid my phone cut out in the middle of her telling me how she'd like to give me a sign on bonus.

One time, a voicemail appeared--I was in a dead zone apparently, or a somehow blinked from my steady gaze--and as the weird voicemail lady was telling me I had one new message I was like, "yup, this is it, I totally have the job." But no, it was the lady I was babysitting for telling me where the parking pass was.

That's the one good thing, I've been able to pick up some babysitting here and there. It has taken some of the pressure off enormously. In fact I very well may be able to piece together part time gigs until something full-time comes along. Maybe. I mean it's a little shaky. I have a piece of paper on my dining table of how much i make and how much I need. Every day I come home from a babysitting job I recalculate with pride and dread. I'm sure it'll all work out.

But tonight instead of just believing it's going to work out and saying it over and over, I just wish it was working out. I wish I could have gone out to eat tonight with my friends, or bought 8 different kinds of vegetables from the market. Instead I charged a movie to my boyfriend's account and ate a tuna melt and one of those frozen hashbrowns. Last week it was mac and cheese with hotdogs. The week before was cup o noodles.

Ooh! but you know what? I got my diploma the other day! Guess who graduated cum laude? Just thought I would throw that in there.

Well Shaughn's home. I got us a bromance to watch. And I might eat some more ice cream. Chocolate this time.

Comments

  1. ugh...waiting is so excruciating...can I wait with ya?? mom

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey, Miss! I check out your blog now and then to see how you're doing. I printed off your meatloaf recipe but haven't tried it yet - was out of carrots! :) Love ya!
    Aunt Jo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hey Jo,

    I'm sure I can't tell you anything new about hamburger, but just in case, I notice with that recipe I have to leave room on the edges for juices/fat (even if my hamburger is lean, which it never is) because of the cheese...and I tend to put a little extra cheese in there. yum. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hello Mis,

    Porcelin think tank! Thats a new one. I love it. Hope you get the job of your dreams soon, lord knows you deserve it!

    Thinking of you,

    steven

    ReplyDelete

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